i'm in love...

  I was actually going to post this yesterday, but the website decided to close down for maintenance RIGHT before I posted it, and the whole thing got deleted. And it was lengthy. I was angry. So just pretend that this was posted on June 1st instead of June 2nd. *Entering the past now*
  Today I figured out that I'm completely in love with him. Matthew, that is. I was walking with him, and suddenly it hit me. I took a mental picture from the side so that I'll never forget the moment. He was wearing a white shirt with black sleeves and some light blue jeans. He was also looking down, as usual, since he's so gangly that nothing exactly is the way it should be. In that instant, knowing him, knowing that I cared about what happened to this kid, I knew I loved him.

I love how when he has to leave, he always says goodbye first.

I love the face he gets when we see each other in the halls. His eyebrows lift a bit, his eyes widen, and his mouth breaks out into a half smile before we even talk. Then he takes a big breath like he's diving into something.

I love the way he curls into his body when he reads or writes.

I love how he writes so neatly and how it's the tiniest thing I've ever seen.

I love how he makes weird faces at me just to make me smile.

I love how he's always trying to show off by trying to climb that goalpost.

I love how today after I told him that he'd never do it, he climbed the whole thing on the next try.

I love that when he was having a hard time getting down, even after I told him that he didn't have to do it, he told me that he knew it wasn't necessary, but that he wanted to do it anyway.

I love his innocence - every time he hears a bad word or sees some stupid kids being gross in the hall, he's shocked every time.

I love how he knows nothing about music - yesterday was the first time he had ever heard of the Beatles.

I love the face he gets when he finally understands something.

I love how he rarely wears shorts, and how his clothes rarely match.

I love how he's not afraid to tell me anything.

I love how he always listens, and never asks more than once for some information I really don't want to give.

I love how excited he gets when he teases me.

I love how he knows my secrets.

I love how he twirls his hair right next to the whorl whenever he's really concentrating.

I love how he says next to nothing when he's around people he can't stand - and the look he gives me that tells me we need to walk away.

I love how I could go on for hours, and still never cover all he is.

I love being with him.

*exit past*

  Ok, I know I'm crazy...but I really do love him with all that I am, even though that's really corny. Umm...moving on to what else I need to talk about.
  I took some tests online to confirm what I was already thinking. I'm obviously OCD, and I'm either depressed and manic, or bipolar.... which is the same thing. But that's ok, I seem to be working with it fairly well...so I hope I'll turn out just fine.
  Kelly and I walked to the Snowie today to have our first snowcone of the summer, which was pretty awesome.
  The highlight of today? We were watching Hailey for about four hours. She loves me, and she's at a really fun, now that she doesn't cry very much. We had tons of fun with her.
  I guess that's it for now.